I was sitting on these steps as I wrote this. It was either bawl or write. There was also a Christmas tree in the grand foyer. Oi. I took these photos from Wikipedia, but no less effective, right?

Sitting within l'Opera Garnier. I feel overwhelmed by the resounding beauty of the place, that I'm here at all, and that one day I won't be. My entire year has been a whirlwind. Travel, friends, writing, flirtations - I've been given such a generous taste of life's pleasures. From drinking wine on the steps of Sacre Couer (memorable but seedy) to sitting here scribbling in my notebook, in one of the most beautiful places I've ever been, I'm awed at how far I've really come. To walk these hallow halls with hardly a soul in sight, listen to rehearsals, and be given a personal tour by a lovely staff member are such privileges. Perhaps we take it for granted because, as I've learned, things aren't very difficult if you just go after them. You try, you do... Voila, Paris. I've checked so many things off my nonexistent to-do list this year that I find myself wondering, What else? What next? What could possibly top the experiences I'm having? Yet as each unfurls, I find that no matter which route I take, I always seem to have a fantastic time. I meet wonderful people, do incredible things, and forget to worry about where life may take me next. Just think - some people never get to see such sights. For some it takes a lifetime. To have done so much in a single calendar year gives me such powerful assurance that my life will continue to be the intoxicating journey it has been. And there's so much time!

Each time I look up, I can hardly keep from looking back down, because its too much. So grandiose, literally breathtaking... How am I supposed to get on the metro after this? How can one be so moved and love a city so much? Why can't I be omnipresent and be a million places at once? I love so many of them. How am I ever supposed to be content to just sit still when there is so much to see and do - and I haven't even done the half of it. Each day in Paris I'm met with the sensation deep in my stomach, saying, "Don't go home. Just stay out, stay here forever." To even fulfill my obligations is increasingly a chore, because its so dreadful in there, and it couldn't be more inviting out here. Fuck all of that, I just want the city.

Soon the tides will change. I await that as well. Familiar yet new, productive and self-sufficient. This year has been kind to me. Wised me up, showed me a good time, and I can't even begin to articulate how its shaped me as a person. I'm so ripe to be moved by all of it. No stone unturned.